absentfather

Letters for my kids to read in the future, from around the world now

Archive for the category “travel”

Not being able to use cash in India

Dear G & B (and bump),
I’ve spent the past week or so in Delhi, Mumbai and Pune enjoying the heat whilst it hits zero degrees at home.
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Mumbai skyline

There is some crazy stuff going on in the world at the moment. 2016 has been a funny old year, but I don’t know how much of this will make the upper rankings of history books, so by the time you read these letters, you will need to scour the web to look them up:
1) The UK left the European Union (“what is the European Union” you ask…?)
2) Donald Trump, a businessman/celebrity/nutter has been elected as President of the most powerful nation on earth
3) Lots of icons have died: David Bowie, Prince, Gene Wilder, Terry Wogan. I suppose this happens every year, but it seems to have been a bumper crop.
4) There was a demonetisation policy in India
I’ve been experiencing number 4 first hand as it unwinds. Essentially, the Prime Minister (Mohdi) announced at 8pm on 8th November that all 500 and 1000 Rupee notes would no longer be legal tender as of midnight that night and just then be taken to banks to be exchanged for new 500 and 2000 notes. Crazy move and something we in the UK would know would cause chaos (and it has) but there is method in the madness: There are 1.3 billion Indians and only 20 million of them pay tax. That is one hell of a black economy and he is trying to reduce it. All those people that deal in cash now have to declare it. If they declare a significant amount that they’ve been stashing under their mattress the government will ask why, fine them and look into their dealings. Overnight (literally) he has made people have to legitimise their businesses and savings.
In practice, there has been pandemonium and it has hit the poor the most as cash has suddenly become scarce and they have no other way of paying or things. If people get hold of  (new) cash they are holding onto it as the queues at banks and cash machines are huge, taking people all day. Even when you get to the front you can only withdraw the equivalent of £50! It is an exercise in patience and I admire the Indian people for that.
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Queues at the ATMs. This is actually a very small, orderly one compared to most

I queued for 2 hours to exchange currency when I landed at Delhi airport, which turned out to be pointless – nobody wants to accept my crisp new notes unless they can give me old shitty ones that I can’t then use! I have had to use cards and online payments entirely for a whole week and it certainly makes you plan in advance.
Enough of the economic update. I had great day looking around Pune (used to be called Poona and was where the sport of Badminton was invented) at the old Fort and some of the markets. Beautiful colours, terrible smells, but a nice afternoon adventure. There are a lot of stray dogs and stray people, but neither of them bother this obvious fish out of water, they just get on with getting on.
Some images of the Phule Manai (market) and Fort:

I’m now back in yet another airport lounge in France waiting for my connection back to the UK and you little rascals. I just got sent videos of you both performing the alphabet to camera: G is spot on and quite the little thespian, B’s attempt was full of enthusiasm and interpretative movement rather than accuracy. I’m smiling from ear to ear.

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A Pune sunset

Love,

Dad x

China in a blur

Dear G & B

So the big news is that you will be having a baby sister in March. We showed G the picture of the scan and asked what you thought it was:

G: “A baby”

Us: “Yes, it’s a picture of inside mummy’s tummy”

G: “Is it me?”

Us: “No”

G: “Is it B?”

Us:”No, we had this picture taken in the hospital yesterday”

[Long pause, gradual realisation spreading across face]

G: “Are we having a baby!?”

Cue lots of hugging and tears. It was so lovely, I just wish I had taken a video of it to show you later in life.

So utter carnage will reign again and we will probably need a bigger car. Very much looking forward to it.

I’m in the KLM business class lounge in the newly refurbished Schipol Airport, deciding if 5:45am is too early to have a glass of champagne. I think I will probably crack and have a glass as I’ve just come off a 13 hour flight from China and think I deserve it. The last few hours before getting back home to you guys after one week and four cities in The Middle Kingdom.

I flew into Chongqing (a city few people in the UK have heard of, and why would you, it is only a small settlement of 30 million people!) in Sichuan Province for my first appointment and everything went swimmingly. I hadn’t been to this city in about 3 years and, like much of China, it continues to develop at a frightening pace with endless skyscrapers and monstrous, monolithic pieces of experimental architecture. Look up the Chongqing Theatre or Guotai Arts Centre and you’ll see what I mean. I could see both from my hotel room, just about, through the fog. There is a very old Chinese saying: “A Szechuan dog barks at a sun,” because they so seldom see one. I had my fill of mouth-numbing Sichuan food and followed the Yangtze River by plane to Wuhan.

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Me with some friendly locals in Chongqing

First thing in the morning I took a stroll through the city to a shopping district to try to buy a local SIM card for my phone, but was told they had moved to a new system and I needed a Chinese ID card to do so. Wondered around a supermarket and marvelled at the snack section. All wrapped in plastic you can buy duck’s tongue, duck’s gizzard, duck’s neck or duck’s feet – meeting all of your duck snacking needs. Carrefour (big French supermarket) is there but has very regional context – you can buy live seafood and plenty of dried animals as well.

I now have that glass of champagne…

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I then flew on to Shanghai, a city I do like very much and had a very hectic schedule, but did manage a wander down Nanjing Road and a nice relaxing dinner with a nice colleague. As we flew into Hongqiao Airport, I was yet again blown away by the scale of China. I know that there are 30 Chinese people for every British person on the planet, so I always use this as a mental scale: There must be 30 times as many everything (houses, hospitals, power stations, chicken nuggets, etc) for China to work, but even so, when you look down from the air on the volume of housing and the size of the cities, your brain just can’t deal with it. I took this photo of row after row of identical houses, but I’d already flown over another 50 areas like this:

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Onwards to Guangzhou and the most important meeting that I had organised with my big boss coming to do niceties. Two years of my work in the making and it all went really well, so I celebrated with colleagues afterwards and looked forward to jumping on the plane home. Did some banqueting.

Me:”We call this a Lazy Susan, what do you call it in Chinese?”

Host:”A table that turns”

[Pause]

Me:”Your name is better.”

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G is playing rugby now and I have been helping out with the coaching, which is great fun. You got kicked in the head by the baby bump whilst resting on your mother, which you found hilarious.

B is still acting up in every way, comedian and diva all wrapped into one. You want to call the baby Jackie. Not sure how to get you to drop that idea…

Love

Dad xx

China….again

Dear G and B

I’ve spent the last week in China, this time flying into Shanghai, down to Guangzhou, back up to Ningbo (which is pretty close to Shanghai) and then farther up to Beijing. I’ve been with two colleagues much older than me, but much less seasoned travellers, so I’ve been hand holding but also having a good time with them. One of them definitely on the autism spectrum. 

So what to report? 
Shanghai: I went to the Shanghai Sculpture Space, which is a lot like the 798 district in Beijing, but smaller and a bit more commercial. It was lovely sunny, winter weather and a stroll around quality public art was a good tonic to the horrible jet lag I suffered for the first few days. See the pictures of some of the crazy work there. 

        

  
Guangzhou: My other colleague arrived and brought with him a sickness bug that immediately knocked him out of action for 24 hours, locked in his room. We did our best not to breathe his air and got on with our meetings and saw a few interesting buildings whilst driving around, including the golden coin building or Guangzhou Circle. Although cities have not been planned with any foresight in China, there has been free reign on the architecture front and some spectacular structures have arisen. Check out Guangzhou Tower on the Internet, that is only a few years old and I think is currently the worlds second largest building. It has a kind of roller coaster on top of it. Why not, eh? 

   
  
Ningbo: twin city of Nottingham and I thought it was rather nice on my last visit – calm and civilised. Not really on this visit – seemed to just spend our time on broken roads and driving through wholesale markets, with men holding up turtles on sticks for sale.  Did meet some lovely people though and was taken out to dinner on The Bund and practiced my terrible Chinese. 
Beijing: the most amazing hotel, Hotel Eclat in Chaoyang. You turn the bedside lamps on an off with a plastic gun! Kapow! Full of art and just brilliant service and ambience. My new favourite. I went to a media partner and spent some time looking around their studios and then just worked away, not really doing anything newsworthy. Beijing is so different to the first time I came over 10 years ago and there are new, spectacular skyscrapers going up every time I visit. There are murmurs of a collapse in the economy from everyone I know there and the world’s economists so we’ll wait and see. It could be pretty bleak for the world if they do go pop, and very bad for my job! The scale of China means the scale of the problem will be massive. Apparently there are 40,000 media companies in the Beijing Media Corridor alone. 

   

Hotel Eclat

  

Chinese TV studio

 
I’m now taxiing on Beijing Capital Airport’s finest runway on my way to Seoul for some barbecue and soju fuelled escapades. 
I’m missing you both more and more with each trip. I worry about what I’m missing out on and I worry what you are thinking about with me being away. I think time is more of a fluid concept when you are a child, but I remember days taking months and weeks taking years when I was 5, I hope it doesn’t seem like I abandon you. 
George: doing really well at school and can read books by yourself now. You love Lego still of course, you got a bike for your birthday and we are going to spend the next few months working on getting the stabilisers off. You tell jokes now and are such good company. Bea on the other hand….haha! The cutest of little girls, you play with your dolls house all the time and and little characters you have to hand, making up stories as you do, with full script narration. You do like attention though, but we don’t mind giving it. You do anything to make us laugh and have some killer dance moves. Here is you going all Banksy on our kitchen:

  
Love 
Dad

Nairobi National Park (and a small car crash) #travel

Dear G & B

I’m sitting by the pool on a Sunday in Mombasa at the Whitesands Hotel, palm trees swaying in the wind and Afro beats music drifting over from the bar, sipping a beer. I can’t work today and downtime like this is great, although it is over a week since I left you guys at home and would much rather be there. Or have you here.
I’ve just arrived from Nairobi after a short flight past Mount Kenya. I haven’t been here for 6 years and nothing much has changed, except it is a lot quieter, I suppose because of perceived risks of terrorism.
Mt Kenya from the plane

Mt Kenya from the plane

I was working for 3 days in Nairobi but finished yesterday at 3pm so managed to arrange a quick trip to Nairobi National Park, which is a game reserve right next to the city containing all the wildlife you expect in Kenya. The car that picked me up (along with 4 other people) was a bit beaten up and I assumed that we’d be on Tarmac roads for the whole trip. After a short drive we arrived at the gates and had the usual wait for tickets that you expect with any organised activity in Africa. As soon as we set off we saw small antelope and a tortoise walking along the side of the road. We stopped at the ivory burning sites where dignitaries burn seized poached tusks as a symbol of disdain for the Ivory trade. Great views out across the plains but weird to still see the city in the background.
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Wild animals

Wild animals

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Just chillin'

Just chillin’

We next came across herds of huge buffalo with calves and birds sitting on their backs, more antelope, zebra, a lone ostrich running behind us and some distant giraffes striding through the tall bush. As the sun went down it cast a lovely hue over the clouds and the big sky turned dramatic. Seems unreal to be so close to a capital city with that backdrop.
Pano of the National Park

Pano of the National Park

Up close with some big buffalo

Up close with some big buffalo

Buffalo feeding in some amazing light

Buffalo feeding in some amazing light

Ostrich silhouette

Ostrich silhouette

The roads were not Tarmac, but very much potted dirt tracks and boulders. After a while there was a knocking noise from the fron of the car which sounded a bit serious. We made it out of the camp after dark and started the short journey home, the knocking getting louder. I told the driver I thought he might have problems and it sounded serious, so he should slow down. He did, and sure enough we turned a corner and his front right wheel snapped off sending us skidding into a lay by. We were close to the hotel, so after checking he was ok, we set off on foot to finish the journey. If he had been going faster it might have been serious.
Whoops!

Whoops!

Only two days here then back to you guys. Bea has had her first hair cut and G keeps getting all the awards possible at school, bright as a button. So proud.
Love
Dad x

Eating Brains and Climbing a Mountain in Chengdu, China

View from the top of Mt Qingcheng

View from the top of Mt Qingcheng

Dear G & B
I haven’t been overseas since April, possibly the longest time in about a decade when I have been just in the UK, and it was wonderful. We’ve had a lot going on, including moving to our new house and G starting school, so it has been great to spend so much time at home.
But, travel has started up once again and my first stop has been Chengdu in south west China. It is the 4th largest city in China and famed for being (I think I might have mentioned this before) the home of Pandas, spicy food and pretty girls. One of those myths that the people here like to proliferate, but isn’t necessarily true. I’m only here for a few days before flying over to Kenya via Doha.
Chengdu, Sichuan Province

Chengdu, Sichuan Province

I arrived on Saturday and couldn’t work on Sunday, so decided to go on an adventure: Climb Mount Qingcheng, an ancient place of buddhist worship about 2 hours drive from Chengdu. I thought I would save cash and make it a real challenge by forgoing a taxi/driver and taking public transport. First stumbling block was buying a ticket at the bus station and navigating my way to the mountain itself.
The station signage is almost exclusively Chinese as are the announcements, so I was particularly happy with myself by being able to order my ticket in Chinese and ask if I was on the right bus. I struggled a bit when the bus stopped and I didn’t know if I should get off or not, but the universal language of mime and a few key words saved the day. The bus still stopped quite a distance from the Mountain and I managed to find an English speaker to ask advice from. She turned out to work at the American Embassy and was waiting for her colleague – she said that I was free to join them to make it to the mountain, which was really nice of them. We got a cab to the cable car (it was already about 2pm as the bus had taken over 2 hours to get there) and then had something to eat. I say something because I wasn’t at all sure what it was and didn’t ask, just some kind of meat in spicy oil. The walk through the “high town” was really interesting, a lot like a European mountain town, but with traditional Chinese architecture and lots of stalls selling cured pork, heads and all.
Chengdu bus station

Chengdu bus station

My bus ticket

My bus ticket

Dried pork, high town

Dried pork, high town

The cable car up allowed us to skip 4km of the climb but there were still three more to tackle to the summit. But it was steep. What amazed me were the amount of people carrying young children and even some women wearing high heels! Dressed like they were off to a nightclub. I struggled in sensible trainers. The path was thin at times, the concrete steps wonky and the it wove through the mountain following a stream with waterfalls, bridges and a cool damp atmosphere. It was really beautiful and peaceful. Well, unless there were a group of men spitting and shouting in front of us. There was a small lake where we had to board a boat and get punted across which was very serene. After about 40 minutes my new friends decided they didn’t have enough time to get to the summit and turned back, but I pushed on, adamant that I had to keep going if I come this far. I virtually ran up the remainder of the hill and it was really tough, I was covered in sweat when I finally reached the White Cloud Temple, expecting great things. It was a bit of a let down, the temple was pretty generic, the statues concrete and recent, the view no better than several hundred feet below. I stayed only a few moments to watch people pray with incense and then turned to bound down as fast as I could. If I missed the last gondola I would have an 6km descent to deal with and would be doing the last of it in the dark!
Looking like I just rushed up a mountain

Looking like I just rushed up a mountain

White Cloud Palace at the top

White Cloud Palace at the top

Cave with hundreds of buddha statues

Cave with hundreds of buddha statues

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Wonky steps

Wonky steps

Punting the lake

Punting the lake

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I did miss the last gondola, but there was a dirt track and some cars waiting. Again in broken Chinese I negotiated a trip down the hill, which turned out to be one of the most terrifying drives I’ve been on. I often read the newspaper when tourists die overseas doing stupid things (like getting into unlicensed taxis and asking them to drive along a mountain road) and think “idiots!” – well, that was me. Terrifying but relieved to get to the bottom, where I bumped into my two chums again. We arranged a car for £5 each to take us back to Chengdu and I finally got back to the hotel, exhausted, at around 8:30pm.
I was taken out for dinner by a prospective business partner last night and I requested hot pot, which is the local speciality. Essentially a pot of boiling chilli oil that you dunk food into to cook and eat. I said I eat everything so he really tested me, first with gizzards, then arteries and then finally with pig’s brain. Not to look like a wimp I scoffed it down with (feigned) relish although the texture was pretty revolting. It had been in the boiling oil for only a few moments when my host scooped it out and plonked the whole thing in my bowl. I chalk it down as an experience.
Love
Dad
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Hot pot!

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Pig’s brain

How not to keep 157 tigers: Harbin, China

Dear B and G

Yes, I’m in China again, for the fourth time in as many months, but this time seeing some new places, including Harbin in the very north of the country. It is covered in snow for about 5 months of the year and is close to the Russian border and North Korea. It is a relatively new city for China, not showing much growth until the 1920s when foreigners (mostly Russian) started trading there. Many of the older population still speak Russian. With the communist ties between the two countries and common enemies, Harbin became a base for the development of weapons and the institute that I was visiting started as a weapons research college.  It still invests heavily in ship building, weapons development and government nuclear research, which means there are a lot of troops on the streets. According to our hosts this makes Harbin a very safe place. I’m not so sure about that..!
After seeing a museum dedicated to war ships and missiles we were given the opportunity to visit the Siberian Tiger Sanctuary which protects the majority of the remaining population of this massive apex predator. I groaned as we approached the park, upon seeing fibreglass cartoon characters of tigers guiding us to the parking lot, a huge tiger head that was a shop selling all kinds of tiger-related tat and the tiger models put in undignified scenarios (pulling a cart, sitting like a human, etc).
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The parks concept was to charge punters £9 a time and then show them the tigers, apparently undergoing a re-wilding experience ready for re-introduction to their natural habitat. Although training a tiger to be wild seems like an oxymoron to me.
We entered a holding area before boarding a bus with the other tourists to go on a safari-style excursion through various gated pens that were where the tigers were being made to feel all wild again. Unfortunately they were exhibiting the usual zoo animal behaviour of walking along well trodden paths by the fences and doing figures of 8. They looked hungry and bored. There were some white tigers, which aren’t even a wild species, but a domestic breed created by man.
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After the safari we got off into a caged walkway which showed the other main tiger areas, which were concreted, sparse and crammed with the beasts, only separated by sex. What I wasn’t expecting was the opportunity to feed a tiger. Tourists can pay 20 yuan (about £2) to have a live chicken tied by its feet to a pole and then dangle it about a pit of tigers. Which the Chinese did with glee, jiggling the terrified bird just out of reach and taunting the tigers as they jumped for it. And boy can they jump – about 3 metres clear off the ground. When one of the tigers finally got the chicken in its teeth there was a terrifying scuffle and roars as they fought for the meat. Makes you realise you would be dead within seconds if you fell in. Apparently one tourist did last year as they were drunk. She got torn to bits.
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There were then some rather depressing zoo exhibitions:  a white lion that was trying to throw up, a jaguar in a small concrete pen and a liger (a sterile hybrid of a tiger and a lion) straight out of a Victorian menagerie.
I left feeling a bit upset, but perhaps the tigers are better off there and a few are released every year as they claim they are. If I was a tiger though, I would rather be free and risk the poaching.
On the way back we stopped at St Sophia cathedral, a Russian Orthodox Church in the centre of the city, which is now used to exhibit historical photos. Never seen a building like it as I haven’t visited Russia, so that was interesting for me.
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I’m on a high speed rail train now between Ningbo and Shanghai. Amazing speeds and the Chinese country speeding past in a blur. A few more days work in Guangzhou in the south and then the long flight home to you two monkeys.  At the moment we are trying to buy a house in the countryside so that you guys can grow up with space and freedom to roam. Your mum thinks we have found the place, so when I get back we will be trying to get the mortgage and move in time for G to start primary school in the village. Exciting times. Bea is now repeating almost any word you say to her, George continues to be obsessed with all things Lego Star Wars related and is sometimes like a moody teenager already, although in an adorable way.
Love
Dad

798 Art District, Beijing

Dear G & B

Just returned from a two week trip to China, Thailand and Malaysia. My first stop was in Shanghai (which I love) and stayed in an old 1920’s hotel near the Bund which was wonderful. Ate well, walked around, met nice people. I was introduced to some clothes manufacturers and taken out to dinner by them and then they give you both sets of clothes as gifts. The old lady who owned the company was very taken with the photos of you I showed her (“ke ai!” which means cute!).

When I arrived in Beijing the taxi driver took me to the address of the hotel I showed him but seemed to stop in the middle of an industrial estate and proceeded to tell me that I was at the right address. I told him I wasn’t, that I needed a hotel and I wasn’t getting out of the cab. I called the hotel and soon enough a little porter emerged from the darkness and helped me with my bags. The hotel was in the 798 Art District and was so cool that it decided not to have a sign or any sort of frontage. Once inside it was really nice, full of contemporary art, great rooms and a really different feel.

I had some spare time the following day, so strolled around the massive art district which is made up of old factories now converted into galleries, shops and cafes. It is almost European/American in the way it has been developed and feels very different to the rest of Beijing. I tried to find Ai Wei Wei’s workshop but couldn’t so instead I took a look around the UCCA gallery and some smaller ones, full of interesting work. Had a little stop off at a cafe and watched the cool kids of Beijing walk by, models on fashion shoots and other foreigners following maps. Photos are some of the things I saw.

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I went on to the warm of Thailand and Malaysia, which was nice and then home to you two. You have chickenpox so are going a bit stir crazy being confined to the house, but are both hilarious. We’ve been playing Star Wars Lego “miggie-figures” and lots of living room acrobatics. Check out how crazy you both are:

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Love

Dad x

The People I meet

Dear G & B
I spend a lot of time being driven in cars on the way to airports, or in hotels surrounded by hundreds of strangers, or in fleeting meetings on foreign shores with people I may never see again. We chat, we make small talk and share observations, trying to pass time or make small bonds. But sometimes we share intimate secrets, because there is a safety in our obscurity. It is a lesson in humanity to ask strangers about themselves. Nobody is what you expect them to be because you are always using yourself as a marker of normality, but to the majority of the planet you are a weirdo. Your beliefs, your tastes, your habits, your superstitions, your family – all of them are nowhere near everybody else. The further you travel the more you realise this, but you also realise that these differences are small and in fact we are mostly the same. We are driven by the same instincts. We all put our trousers on one leg at a time.
In the past few months I have been driven by:
– An ex policeman who spends at least 4 months a year on cruises to the Caribbean
– A father of a professional ice hockey player who works on steam railways in his spare time
– A man falling asleep at the wheel because he has to drive 18hr shifts in Kuala Lumpur
– A Chinese girl who spoke flawless English but had never been to an English speaking country
All of these lives, so many events, tangent timelines and everyone of them different. But actually all driven by the same needs and wanting similar things out of life.
And basically that is the problem with the world: we are more connected than we have ever been to each other. Through technology and travel we can communicate better than at any other time, but instead of finding out how similar we are and just getting along, we focus on the differences. The rise of nationalism and fundamentalism are worrying as we really should have got over all that by now.
So when you meet people, find out about them. You might think they are weird to begin with, but actually they are just like you.
Love
Dad

Hong Kong Foodie

Dear G and B

Shortly landing in Amsterdam where I’ll change planes and head home to you, at the end of a 12 hour flight from Hong Kong. 

I was first in China, in the seaside city of Xiamen and the South West city of Chengdu in Sichuan. Most people in the UK know Sichuan from Chinese takeaway menus, where Sichuan style is a little spicy with a couple of chillies in it. In China, Sichuan is known for having the best food, the prettiest girls and the pandas. I’ve been a few times and have seen the pandas in the sanctuary, climbed some hills in the countryside and have always quite liked it. Like much of mainland China now however, Chengdu lives under a blanket of smog and is an architecturally soulless, vast metropolis in the most part. Town planning has not been a priority in China for the last few decades. 

Some business colleagues took me out for ‘hot pot’ which is the most famous of Sichuan dishes and revered by its people. It is essentially a huge dish of bubbling oil absolutely swarming with fierce chillies and Sichuan pepper (known as flower pepper in Chinese) which has a very unique taste. The pot is placed over a burner in the middle of the table and diners choose raw ingredients that are brought to the table and added by those sitting around it. A fantastic business model – your customers cook for themselves! We had strips of pork, meatballs, various vegetables, bamboo, tripe and liver. Anything substantial or tough is left to bubble away for a while but other more slight morsels can be held submerged with chopsticks for a few seconds before devouring, hot, spicy oil dribbling down your chin. 

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Sichuan pepper makes your mouth go numb, a strange sensation when you are eating and unlike the heat from chillies. Those make your nose run and your throat heat up. You sweat. The more of it you eat, the greater the sum total of all this becomes, both uncomfortable and enjoyable at the same time. Beats a sandwich at your desk anyway. 

Down to Hong Kong and after all the work over a weekend some different colleagues took me out to Mong Kok, Kowloon side for another meal at restaurant London, which is one of the oldest establishments in the city. It is true Hong Kong food, served to round tables. There are tanks near the kitchen full of fish and crustaceans that will soon become dinner, so we chose our lobsters and fresh water fish, looking them in the eye and thanking them for their sacrifice to their graves in our bellies. 

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Choose seafood, look in eye, eat in cheese sauce

As the food started to arrive, things that stood out were the roast pigeon, complete with roasted head, the chickens feet and the vat of lobsters which had been steamed, covered in a cheese sauce and chopped into large chunks making it almost impossible to eat with chopsticks. Cue very messy foreigners and several plate changes. It was a real feast. 

Afterwards we walked down Temple Street where you can buy tourist tat and fake designer goods. We made our way to a group of tents at the end where fortune teller will read your palm and predict your fate. We were all going to have this done but the standard price was £35, a bit steep for a bit of fun you don’t actually believe in. 

Coming in to land now. I’ll get home at around midnight and you’ll both be fast alseep but I can’t wait to see you. Choco-porridge for breakfast and lots of playing with toys, tomorrow will be a good day. 

Love

Dad

Nigerian Road Tripping

View at sunset on Victoria Island, Lagos 20140509-212237.jpg

Dear G and B

Yesterday I was back on Nigerian roads for a nine hour journey after vowing to myself 4 years ago that I would never risk it again.

My last experience of highways in this country was the 6 hour hair-raising journey from Abuja (the capital in the centre) to Kano in the north. The bus ride was in place of a Virgin Nigeria flight that had been cancelled due to serious dust storms and was organised at the last minute. It started out fine with good spirits in the minibus and lots to see out the windows – the raw humanity of life in rural Nigeria. The landscape started to change from lush green jungle to dusty plains and the peoples’ dress also altered to Islamic as the majority. The dust storm was now around us and it was starting to go dark. Along the road were lots of small black plastic bags; thousands upon thousands of them carpeting the first 20 metres of roadside. I asked a local girl I was with what they were. “The lorry drivers do not have toilets,” was her reply. A carpet of plastic wrapped poo.

I started to watch the driver in his mirror as he was swerving a little bit and I could see that his eyes were closing and he was lolling with tiredness. After some shouting we substituted in a fresh driver much to the original’s embarrassment. It was now dark and there was no lighting on the road, with the added treachery of the dust to hinder our vision. We were now pretty scared of dying in a mangled bus as the driver was going dangerously fast, many of the cars coming the other way did not have lights on and the road itself was a potholed assault course. At one point I tied a scarf around my head as protection from the imminent crash. We finally pulled into Kano with a collective sigh of relief only to see the lights of a plane landing at the airport. It was our original Virgin Nigeria flight!

The trip yesterday was not as perilous as we made sure we wouldn’t be anywhere rural in the dark, but there were still plenty of interesting distractions. Apparently,the state we visited (Osun) is well known for human sacrifice. I joked with my colleague that I was bringing her there to sell her for top dollar to the witch doctors. Some of the overtaking manoeuvres were verging on suicidal and I don’t think I’ve had adrenaline in my blood for such a long period of time before. 4 hours out, 5 hours back, including a one hour traffic jam and we were both absolutely desperate for the toilet for a good sixty percent of the journey.

The Nigerians we have mentioned it to since thought we were crazy for taking such a risk and that they avoid the interstate highways at all costs. Stupid tourists.

I’m writing this in the business lounge at Accra airport, Ghana after 9 days away and looking forward to seeing you both tomorrow morning. G is currently obsessed with making things from favourite TV programme Mr Maker. I look forward to a house full of pipe cleaners and cut up paper plates.

Love

Dad

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